Weekly Update (Priceless) Ask Jamie and Jana ($0.02) Ben: Dictator or Cassanova? ($12) The Wailing Wall ($0.25) Picasso's Ear (500 Words) Does Your Opinion Matter? ($0.00) The Rant Page (3 for $0.99) Discoveries in Sociology ($3.47) Things We've Done To Humiliate Our Mothers ($1,000,000.00) Oyster Regurgitation (30 yen) Disco-Teque ($5 cover, $2 drinks) Fan Mail ($0.50) Fan Male [Boys Only] ($1.00) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

HELLO. Ok, so we're like that one guy who you met once who you thought was really cool and you had really great conversations with him, and then he blew you off. Oh wait, we're not like that guy at all because we're way hotter. And we're not losers. But we are uncertain as to why it is still the "Weekly" update. If you counted weeks in base 10, though, we'd be right on time. Binary Joke: 001100 010100 0010100 00100110100100100010010!!!!!!!!!!!! We love that one. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- JOKE: Jamie: So if Moby was named because he's a distant relative of the guy who wrote Moby Dick, should F. Scott Fitzgerald be named Jose? Jana: What? Jamie: Didn't you read the Great Gatsby? Jana: Oooooooooo yeah! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- JAMIE AND JANA GO TO THE BALLOONS We don't know if you know this, but every single year in October, Albuquerque gets invaded by mass amounts of butane and synthetic fibers. This goes under the guise of The Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta, not to be confused with the Albuquerque International Airport, which is not REALLY international. The Balloon Fiesta is. We can't tell you how many drunken Germans we've seen in our short lifetimes without even having set foot in Germany. So we woke up at the butt crack of dawn (Jana: Correction, Jamie. BEFORE the butt crack of dawn. We saw dawn's mooning crack from the car). Beth drove her sporty little sports car. We took a wrong exit, but finally made it there. It's the big field on the left with all the balloons on it. Four balloons went up, and then the balloon fiesta got cancelled. Something about wind. Wind Schmind. Back in our day we flew balloons in tornadoes, and we LIKED it. But we did see a bunch of half-inflated special shapes (Jamie: "Anna Nicole Smith was there?!?!?!") and ate a breakfast burrito that we paid 4 dollars for that we could have made better at home. For fifty cents. Also, Jamie and Jana shook hands with a giant female red chile. It was almost like shaking hands with Santa Claus. Except way hotter. CARRAMBA! We hadn't seen that kind of spice since we went to the Shakira concert. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- JAMIE AND JANA VISIT LISA Lisa is a friend. A good friend. A friend with benefits. She invited Jamie, Jana, and Beth over to her house for manicures and beans. Lisa makes fabulous beans and tortillas, we found out. But the finding out took a bit of effort. Why? Jamie was driving. Jamie: In my defense, Jana was the one who was supposed to count the exits. Jana: In my defense, I didn't know that. As you can see, folks, we had issues. Lisa lives in Bosque, which is the third Belen exit South of Albuquerque. Confused yet? We were. So, we passed Exit 1, and we said "Hey! Exit Number 1!" We passed Exit 2, and we said, "Hey! It's Exit 2!" You'd think that next would be Exit Number Three. But no, we passed the "Welcome to Socorro" sign. For all you out-of-staters, Socorro is in Socorro County. Belen is in Valencia County. Neither of these are Bernalillo county, where Albuquerque is (which is really far away from ORANGE County). So Jamie and Jana (Beth was in the back doing homework blissfully) decide that they should really turn around. But there is nowhere to turn around because apparently, whoever made I-25 was all "Hey let's not put any off ramps between Belen and Mexico." So we're driving…and driving…looking for an exit…and finally Jana says, "You know those Official Use Only Crossovers? Maybe we should use one." So Jamie slams on her brakes going 90 miles an hour when she spots one and we officially "cross over" (thanks, John Edwards) on the official use only crossover. Then we got to Lisa's house and it was all good. Just another Day Out ™ with Jamie and Jana ™ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- BOB BERG!!!!! You remember the Pelstons. Beth is a Pelston. Jamie and Jana visited them this summer. Well, this time, the Pelstons came to US. And boy, we were glad. For those of you who are not on the up and up with the 1970's UNM football alumni, we'll explain to you who Bob Berg is. He's a dude who used to kick field goals for UNM. Then he left the team, and the team sucked. So the Pelstons decided to use him for an excuse to have a giant tailgate party every year. And so they do. This year, Jamie and Jana had the honor of being invited to the Bob Berg Giant Tailgate Party and All Weekend Long Field Goal Kicking Contest Carnival Singing With Seven Year Olds in the Grandstands Event ™. The weekend began with a carnival in the suburbs. Mr. Pelston got to sit in a dunk tank all night while the rest of us ate and won cool prizes. Jana and Ben ™ played guitars, and everyone else watched as Jamie and Beth ™ did actions for every song they sang. It was like experimental theatre in the garage. The next day, we all got to wear our bright red Bob Berg t-shirts whilst meeting at Eldorado High School for the 28th Annual Bob Berg Field Goal Kicking Competition. Jamie had never kicked before, and Jana had about 3 days of "rehearsal" behind her. We have to say that Jamie got eliminated in the first round, along with a grandma. But we have a great action shot photo of Jamie kicking. Jana, on the other hand, walked up to the field goal kicking tee like a pro (Jamie is saying this)…and kicked it like a Tommy Lee Jones - whose face, by the way, is just as leathery as a football. Jana went through round after round of field goal kicking glory only to be defeated in the final round by the Pelstons' Amazon cousins. All in all, Jana walked away with the third place prize. Jamie was damn proud. Jana: "I didn't even know what the two post thingies were for until they told me. Oh well." Then, we were READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!! And food! And…. JUGGLING!!!! Oh, and Hooters Girls. Who just happened to have the tailgate tent across from ours. Jamie and Jana stuffed their faces whilst watching the UNM Juggling and Unicycle And Fire Eating Club (of which Beth Pelston is a proud member)…. Jamie: This is becoming the Beth Weekly Update. …and then we went to the football game, where we screamed song lyrics, obscenities, and "FIRE!" It was ok because we weren't in a movie theatre. Our favorite cheer was the one Mr. Pelston taught us, which was "Knock 'em…up…. side the head. Knock 'em upside the head! KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK." Jamie: I think the Lobos won that game, didn't they? Jana: Got me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TRIBUTE TO LOU-C So Lou-C is this chick that works with Jamie and her real name is Christine but we call her Lucy and we don't know why. So one day Jamie gives Lucy the address to the Jamie and Jana website, and Lucy logs on. Like a good kid. Lucy can now quote every single part of the website better than Jamie and Jana can. This is called DEVOTION, people. She LOVES us. We all need to take a moment and recognize Lucy as the perfect Jamie and Jana fan. If everyone could be just a little more like Lucy, the world would be a better place. That means get your act together and write us some damn email, people! Geez. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- QUOTE: Jamie: We're like the South Park of Base 10 Weekly Updates. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TWENTY-UNO!!!! So…the mail must be slow, huh? Because Jana turned 21 two weeks ago and well…let's just say she's too happy about her trip to SAN FRANCISCO to care that none of the Jamie and Jana fans could spare the 37 cents to send a card. (She's kidding…not about the San Francisco part). However, Jamie's birthday is WEDNESDAY the THIRD, so you STILL HAVE TIME (hint hint hint). Jamie: "I'm GOOOOOOOOOOOING to be…TWENTY OOOOOOOONE!" Jana ordered a Cosmopolitan on her birthday and the whole group made such a big deal out of her birthday the waitress did not even card her. Bummer. The Cosmo was pink. Jamie: I didn't know you had to get carded for a Cosmo. Jana: I know. I mean, it's a racy magazine, but it's not THAT bad. Jamie's birthday will be celebrated at an appointed time with special people who are already invited. So if you're not, well… Jana: TOO…DAMN…BAD. (But we love you anyway). Jamie: Remember that one time when I said I wasn't going to drink until I turned 21? Jana: Why yes, Jamie. Jamie: Scratch that. Jana: Scratched. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AHEM: Speaking of birthdays. Jana gave Jamie her birthday present early. Why? Because it was a Susan Gibson CD and Jamie and Jana got to SEE SUSAN GIBSON!!! Yes. Yeeeeee!!!! And Jamie fell in love all over again. To rehash, Susan Gibson is the person Jamie and Jana would be if they could be a tall blonde singer songwriter genius chick. Ben would have to be the scrubby long-haired guitar player guy. He could do it if he tried. Anyway, it was cool. Except we didn't have a place to sit. And we thought Susan was playing late but she wasn't, so when we walked in, she was already halfway through the Presidential Fitness Test song. How many times has that happened to you? DANG. But then she played just about everything else we wanted. We still needed chairs. So we took chairs and got dirty looks from the staff. But oh well. Afterwards, some lady offered us her table. AS IF WE COULDN'T HAVE USED IT DURING THE SHOW. But we were nice and just said no thanks. Then we went and got fat at TGI Friday's. Jamie had tortilla soup which was actually salsa, cheese, and chicken warmed in a microwave. It made her sick. She also had an apple crisp. But no alcohol, no sir. Also, may we note that Susan has the most Listerine-esque minty fresh breath we have ever encountered. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jana: Pretty soon you'll want tampons with wings! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- JAMIE DOES SOMETHING: There comes a time in a girl's life when she has to make a decision. She's either going to become an exotic dancer, or she's going to get something pierced. Jamie chose the latter. Jana: Wouldn't YOU like to know where? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, folks…Jana is going to enjoy the teapot that Jamie gave her for her birthday. Jamie is going to continue her pursuit for the greatest guy in the entire world, who will love her and cherish her and not care if she doesn't take a shower for a week. If he's a fireman he can just hose her down. Jana just needs to find Kenny Chesney's address and she'll be good to go. We'll try and be a little more frequent with the updates…maybe we should take some fiber for regularity. Until then, check and see if your chewing gum loses its flavor on the bedpost overnight. Love, Jamie and Jana ™